I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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