when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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