I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
