actually, I'm a sock model
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
