Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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