thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i out mim tonsoeep
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
