people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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