She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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