Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
