Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
