You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
