I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
