it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
