hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
