omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
