Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
