dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
