White coat. Heels.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
