So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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