Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
