you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize