When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
