All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
