My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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