You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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