I will die if light touches me.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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