so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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