I want to have your abortion
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
