I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
