i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
