I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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