Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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