I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
