it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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