pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
