They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
