ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
