We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
The air taste purple.
Randomize
