is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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