dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
whose parrot is this?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
