the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
as a side note pls kill me
All the doctor said was why
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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