I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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