Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
