hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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