The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
There's always time for handjobs
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
