as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Shame is for Republicans.
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