I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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