ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
