and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
