yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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