Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
