I wish i was in the wii world.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We smell like vodka and hangover
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
