do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
